Stay Woke
After self-sabotaging for several years; I decided to do something different. I was at the peak of my professional career, living in Los Angeles and traveling the world but deep down I was a miserable young woman. I found myself reliving the same situations over and over and projecting my pain on others around me. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing yet expecting a different outcome. For years this was me. Drowning in self-doubt and suffering from the shame. The moment I decided to initiate change in my life, I stopped avoiding my pain, and finally took responsibly for my wellbeing. The lesson for me was overstanding introspection and recognizing the power within myself.
The Dark Ages
In my mid-twenties, I experienced deep cycles of depression. I was living in Los Angeles, managing a high volume store, traveling the world, and right at the point of a mental breakdown. Things haunted me daily, and I wasn't equipped to deal with them. Yes, I prayed and yes I knew all about having faith, yet nothing change. At my lowest, I began to suppress my feelings. Wondering exactly who I was, my purpose and why things weren't changing. I remember vividly driving to work, on several occasions, parking my car and spiraling into an uncontrollable panic attack. I was in a leadership position responsible for setting a positive environment for my employees and I couldn't even get out of my car. After several failed attempts to relieve myself, I decided to seek professional help. The lesson was learning how to ask for help.
The Shift
Seeking professional help was the best decision I made. Being able to release my pain and frustration allowed me to repair and heal. Finally, I was able to speak about traumatic situations in a safe space and not feel guilty for being angry about it. For years I thought I wasn't allowed to talk about my pain because it meant I didn't trust the guy in the sky. I later realized I possessed the power to heal and there was no need to look anywhere outside of myself. My therapist introduced me to the teachings of James Allen and Eckhart Tollie. Their teachings empowered and reminded me to be still and reconnect with myself. Something I had become numb to in order to cope. With this reminder, I began to practice meditation and do more study. I came across a small book by Thich Nhat Hann. His teachings encouraged mindfulness. Being mindful of my feelings and actions helped me further understand my response to things. Therapy was the push I needed to begin engineering my life from within my being. Approaching life in this manner is liberating. Experiencing life form an inward stance is the only way to fully engage with all that is around you. The lesson was learning to look within.
Know Thyself
I began to rebuild my life upon the foundation my oldest brother laid. I began to meditate as he taught me many years ago. Spending quality time with myself, I developed a deep sense of self-respect and self-love. I started to realize all the power I needed to heal myself was within me. You see the tools we need to survive and thrive are already ours just usually underdeveloped. Knowing the full essence of your existence pushes you in the direction of purpose. When you become self-aware your purpose is revealed effortlessly in due time. Accepting things allows you to be free of worry. It releases you from the snares of suffering and stress. Acceptance isn't liking or disliking something. It is simply acknowledging this as they are without identifying with the circumstance. When you approach life with the perspective that what will be will be, no matter what comes your way you won’t reject it you’ll instead accept it and hence free your mind. The lesson was realizing I couldn't change anything outside of myself.
The Tools
Realizing that you are your best teacher is the key to opening the gateway to innerstanding. Once you grasp the concept that you are a creator being possesing the power to shift and create your reality all suffering will cease. There are a few tools you can use to help build the intimacy with yourself. One of my favorites is to journal. By writing, you allow your emotions and thoughts flow freely without judging them. This exercise really helps solidify the fact of being separate from the thinker a concept learned from Echart Tolle. Observing the mind and the body is key to existing more freely. Another simple yet powerful thing to do is connect with nature. Go for a walk outside listen to the birds and just take in all the life that surrounds you. Acknowledge the breeze and allow it to relax your body and revitalize you. Take notice of the sun and absorb its healing rays. There are many lessons to learn simply by observing our natural habitat. Lastly, my favorite exercise is meditation. Meditation helps quiet the mind and it allows your inner self to be experienced more purely. In the silent moment clarity is gained. Most of us today rarely get this much needed quiet time. I encourage you to make it a priority. You are worthy.